Fried chicken is awesome and whatnot, but when you take out the bones and slide that battered breast between two pieces of bread, well, greatness happens. We’re not talking the spicy stuff, which gets a lotta press these days. We’re talking the sort of thing that can make a person ignore their own moral beliefs system. Luckily, one need not go to such extremes. Here are five versions of non-hot Nashville fried chicken that will never ask you about your politics.

The Sutler Saloon

2600 Franklin Pike, #109; 615-840-6124

In a cage match between Justin Beiber and Tom Cruise, my money’s on Tom. Yeah, he’s twice Beiber’s age but he’s 30 pounds heavier and quite … well, he’s still got moxie. And does his own stunts in all his moves. But in a cage match of Duke’s vs. Hellman’s, I don’t know who would come out on top. If you put The Sutler’s Southern fried chicken in a cage, it’s definitely going to be Duke’s on top, because that’s their mayo of choice. Let the (pickle) chips fall where they may.